If I Ruled The World

Coming back from London today, I overtook a low loader with a HUUUGE JCB on it: across the back of the lorry was a sign saying “Driven Courteously? Please Ring 999 – it’s Been Stolen”. Given that it was the only thing I saw on the road that made me laugh, I thought it was worth recording.

Meanwhile, I’ve decided that when I’m in charge of the world, all of the following crimes will be punished by losing your driving licence, having your vehicle confiscated and crushed1, and ten years inside:

  • Driving at 50mph or less on the motorway
  • Driving an HGV anywhere on a motorway other than the nearside lane
  • Using a handheld mobile phone while driving.
  • Driving three inches from my back bumper, flashing your lights, when I’m already doing…umm…slightly more than the speed limit
  • Driving a BMW

Actually I’m not too sure about this last one…what about BMW Minis? If they’re not proper Minis, as our resident Mini experts Stu and Sarah tell me, perhaps they shouldn’t be regarded as proper BMWs either? Added to which, I’ve got a couple of chums who drive them, who’ll kick me in the nadgers next time they see me if I’m not careful.

1 Or given to me, if it’s nicer than what I’ve got at the time.

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