I know I promised I wouldn’t blog about TomTom talking satnav again, but I had to share this from yesterday: Regular users of talking satnav – old or new version – will know that it has a habit of sometimes taking you down tiny little lanes barely wide enough for a car, with grass growing down the middle and the sound of simple ole country boys playing “Duelling Banjos” in the distance.

Yesterday I got my own back – I’d programmed it to take me from Race HQ up to one of the checkpoints, and all was going well until I realised that there was a mile of green lane that would cut off about three miles of road, and be more fun into the bargain! (For the uninitiated I should explain that a green lane is legally a road, but one the highway authorities don’t maintain: It may be tarmacked, usually by people who own properties along it, or it may not. All vehicles using it must be road-legal, taxed and insured etc, just the same as any other road.)

As I approached the start of the green lane, Diesel Doris instructed “At the end of the road, turn right”. I went straight on, onto the bumpy stuff. As we started to bounce around, Doris advised “Turn around when possible”. I kept straight on – there was nowhere to turn round anyway. Over the next half-mile or so we got increasingly desperate “Turn around when possible”s, and then she gave up. She was remarkably quiet until we emerged from the other end back onto the main road, but eventually agreed to speak to me again.

I know it’s only a computerised voice, but she can sound a right nag, sometimes.

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