Stealth and Hefty

Today I have been mostly cheesed off and annoyed.

Next week, our company launches a new induction package for new employees. It’s been prepared by the hoorays at Head Office, in between hunt balls and coming-out parties (in the old sense of coming out*), and is possibly the most badly written, ungrammatical, misspelled and poorly punctuated document I’ve ever seen**. It makes the instruction manual for a Taiwanese stereo seem well presented.

Here’s one of my favourites: The aims of the “Dust” section of the briefing are:
To educate employees to prevent injuries through inhaling dust and measures to be taken when working in dusty environments.
One day, the person who wrote that is going to learn what happens when you press the key to the left of the full stop. In the meantime, can anyone tell me what dust you can inhale to prevent injury? Simon’s suggestion was “dust comprised of millions of tiny nanobots that look after your insides”, but I don’t think I’ll suggest that – they’d probably come back from Tandy saying “I couldn’t get any nanobots, so I bought you this nice radio-controlled car instead”.

It has, of course, fallen to me to translate this dead raccoon of a document into English. I wouldn’t bother, but it’ll be me that has to present this stuff, so it’ll be me that looks like an unprofessional half-wit if it stays as it is. Oh, and of course, after two years in preparation, I get to see this for the first time today.

In much better news, my new CD arrived yesterday! No, not the Jethro Tull one from Amazon that I ordered way back goodness-knows when. Regular readers will remember that I was at this year’s New Wine Christian festival, and now I have the CD of the songs that were new this year, recorded live with a congregation of 11,000.Half of them are OK, the rest are flippin’ brilliant!

*in most cases
**And having been reading Head Office documents for sixteen years, that takes some doing

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