Gerhard

German politician Gerhard Schroeder is known, in some unkind circles in his home country as “The Audi”. Not because he’s sleek and speedy, but because he’s been married four times. If you have trouble with that joke, a peek at the Audi logo might help.

Viewers of motoring-related comedy show Top Gear might remember arch-clown Clarkson suggesting that the Audi has taken the place of BMW as the car of choice for people who get a kick out of acting like a**eholes. Whether that’s true or not I don’t know, but I certainly saw evidence in favour of the theory this evening.

On the bus home from the station – and in a bit of a rush because of getting to Hospital Radio – there was a loud blast of Audi hooter from behind: As the bus changed lane – to be in the right lane for the roundabout – Audi man had decided to accelerate to get past. Although at the speed he was doing he could’ve taken off and gone over, but that’s another story. Anyway, disgusted at finding himself and his fine German motor behind a Leyland bus, he let rip with his horn.

Not only, but also – at the next stop he pulled in behind us, ran to the front of the bus and started berating the driver. “You hit my car back there!!!”, in spite of a bus full of people all knowing that no collision had taken place. He continued to shout and swear, and point out non-existant damage on his car and on the bus, in the face of which the driver remained – at least all the time I was there – calm, professional and polite. In the end the Audi driver phoned the Police, at which point the bus driver apologised profusely and turned us all off the bus, saying he’d have to wait for the Police.

When I left, Audi man was on the phone to someone else, ranting about the “stupid (racist term) bus driver”. I got on a number four instead, which was very uneventful. The only consolation for being ten minutes late home is the thought that the Police now routinely breathalyse all drivers involved in accidents that they deal with – you have to hope that Audiboy is now in a cell and facing the prospect of waving goodbye to his licence.

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