New Experiences

I had a new experience on Sunday.

Thanks to the lovely Purple Fred, I had my first experience of…

**suitable doom-laden backing track**

…clothes shopping with a girlfriend!

I was told I needed a new pair of trousers. To me, a new pair of trousers means a visit to “Man at Matalan”, finding a pair of black trousers that are the right waist size, trying them on to make sure they’re the right waist size, and buying them. Then giving them to my Mum and saying “Please can you cut two inches off the legs”.

Clothes shopping with a girlfriend starts with going somewhere more upmarket than Matalan, and getting at least three almost-identical pairs off the racks. Trying a pair on, and discovering that you’ve been a bit optimistic about the waist size, and starting again. Trying on at least five pairs, agreeing on two of them that you both like, asnd buying them.

Mind you, when I say “…that you both like…”, the decision also seems to involve the other three wives/girlfriends waiting outside the fitting rooms, who critique each other’s menfolk as well as their own. And the “buying” bit includes handing over a shedload of cash to the lady who does in-store alterations.

And then we bought PF a dress, a process made more traumatic than it need have been by the scary lady assistant, who whipped PF’s choices off her with a sweeping “Oh you CAN’T wear that! Go over to that section there, and I’ll be with you to help you in a minute!”. Mind you, I did like the one we finally got, with scary lady’s help :-)

And then we went to Homebase and looked at power tools, which was nice.

And on the subject of new experiences, I went to the gym on the way home, and one of the student types in the changing room was bragging about his own new experience: Apparently the night before, he’d had sex while sober for the first time.

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