Free LongLie and the Speeding Ticket

One of the hazards of working in the Nation’s Capital is that on the way home you get hordes of people trying to force free newspapers on you: there are two main ones, the London Paper and the London Lite.

As an aside, I know that giving out free newspapers is possibly the perfect job for people whose English leaves something to be desired – but if I was in charge of recruiting distributors, I’d at least teach them that “Free London Lite” isn’t pronounced “Free Long Lies”. Not exactly the right image for a newspaper, even a free one.

Anyway, what prompted this line of discussion was a story in yesterday’s Free Long Lie…sorry, I mean London Lite. Apparently to mark some festival or other, volunteers are going to be handing out “speeding tickets” on the streets of London, to people who walk too quickly. Apparently it’s part of an initiative to encourage people to be more relaxed and outgoing on their travel around the capital.

I really really hope I get one when I’m hurrying for the train: I can’t wait to see one of these busybody “volunteers” doing a “flaming rooster” with an incendiary speeding ticket stuck up their trousers.

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