Educational Video part 1

Hi, I’m Paul and these are my friends Chris and Martin. In this video we’re going to show you how to shop in Asda the man’s way. As you can see, we have a shopping list – provided by Chris’s girlfriend – and you’ll also notice that our trolley is full of booze. Later in the video we’ll show you what Chris’s girlfriend did to us when we got home with this lot.

Of course, the best way to do man-shopping is buying stuff for a barbecue, as we are here today. Novice man-shoppers should practice on this easiest version of the art before moving on to the more difficult “bachelor” shop and the almost impossible “family” or “household” shop. This last, incidentally, is something you’ll be made to take part in on a regular basis, but you can abandon any thoughts of ever getting it right.

Anyway, back to the “barbecue” shop, and this is something that men are genetically programmed to be good at. Like the barbecue cooking itself, it appeals to the primeval caveman urge (incidentally, I’m writing this pile of pooh on the train, where a small child who wanted to watch what I was doing was dragged away by his mother with stern warnings about talking to strange men. I’m not strange…although given the shirt I’m wearing I suppose it’s an easy mistake). Where was I? Oh yes…shopping for a barbecue is easy, as long as you remember the key rules: Loads of booze, loads of meat, and none of that poncey salad rubbish. Extra-hot barbecue sauce is good, but it’s more macho to make your own: our approved recipe is a splash of tomato ketchup, the same amount of tabasco, and two “Scotch Bonnet” chillies. Put the whole lot in a liquidiser and thrash until it hurts.

That’s the end of this video: I know we haven’t told you much, but if you can’t do a bit of barbecue shopping you probably aren’t a man – go and buy our companion video “Man-shopping for Wusses:-The Bluffer’s Guide”.

Anyway, I spent this weekend in Nottingham at me mate Jenny’s birthday barbecue. As well as the shopping we sneaked off and did the geocache Risley Glebe, but don’t tell Jenny as she thinks we spent all the time in Asda.

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