Educational Video part 3

Hello again! You’ll know by now that I’m Paul and these are my friends Chris and Martin, and in this educational video we’re taking a break from Man-Shopping to bring you “Man-Gardening: Getting Ready for the Barbecue???. Obviously if you’re a proper bloke you won’t normally touch the garden with a long-handled something-or-other, but for special occasions like barbecues, building a new shed, or chopping down trees it’s allowed. As an aside we should mention that blokes who do gardening for a living are also exempt from the normal rule, partly because humping around with wheelbarrows and rotavators is a macho thing to do, but mainly because most of them are a lot bigger than me.

Anyway, here we are in Chris’s girlfriend’s garden, and as you can see, there’s a lot of preparation to do: for a start the lawn is covered in plums that have fallen off the tree. Chris’s girlfriend thinks we’re gathering these up and putting them in a dustbin bag, but it’s much more fun to hurl them over the back wall and listen for the splash as they fall into the canal. Two tips here: If instead of a splash, you get a bloke shouting “OI!!!???, it isn’t unblokeish to run away (actually it is, but survival takes precedence). And if the bloke shouting “OI!!!??? has a beard and has come off a boat called “Charlotte Rose???, you should run very fast.

With the lawn clear, it’s time to dig the barbecue out of the shed. Needless to say it’s packed right at the back, but that’s OK as we have to get things like the garden bench out anyway. Oh look, a bag of charcoal – we needn’t have bought that one in Asda this morning. Ooh, this one is self-igniting charcoal: Needless to say, no real bloke should use this stuff – not only is it an insult to your manhood to need to use it, it also stops you having fun with lighter fluid, petrol*, flamethrowers**, nitroglycerin*** etc.

So there we are: The barbie is nicely set up alongside next door’s wall, where we’ve got a good chance of setting the ivy on fire (like we did last year). The tinnies are chilling in a bucket of ice, and Martin is just putting the finishing touches to the garden lights. I hope he knows not to plug them in while he’s still standing on the ice bucket…

What was that bang? Martin? Speak to me, Martin?

Well that’s it for this time folks – look out for our next educational video, “Visiting your Mates in Hospital the Bloke Way???.

*Don’t try this at home. Note that we tried it at someone else’s home.
**Or this
***And definitely not this

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