That Didn’t Go As Intended

Those of you who’ve read the seekrit blog will know that it could be summed up by saying: “Something made me question something I’d believed for a long time. I wrote a blog-style thinkpiece to myself as a way of starting to sort out my thoughts. Although it was never intended for public consumption, I shared it with five friends.”

If you weren’t one of the five, please don’t be offended – one of the criteria for being given the password was knowing enough of the history to be able to understand it, without long and rambling explanations, and that’s what ruled most of you out!

While I’m a firm believer in “Never say never”, and I know I may change my mind on this, I don’t think I’ll be making it more widely available. Someone who read it has responded with a suggestion that I wasn’t comfortable with: don’t get me wrong, I trust that person absolutely to respect the fact that their suggestion isn’t what I want to do, and to not do anything I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t have let them read it if I didn’t trust them. But it’s highlighted to me the fact that I really don’t want to share those thoughts with any except the closest and most trusted friends. And to the one person who read it who may think they don’t know me well enough to be in that group: sometimes I just trust my intuition about who’s trustworthy, and you certainly knew more of the relevant bits of the history than most.

To summarise that bit: I’m glad I shared it with the people I DID share it with, but I don’t want to share it with anyone else!

To those of you who didn’t get to see it – sorry, but don’t worry, you haven’t missed anything particularly life-enhancing – it wasn’t even funny. And you’ll probably get to read how the story pans out anyway.

To those of you who did read it – what happens next? I don’t know: I start my new job next week, and we don’t know what changes that’ll make to my lifestyle – any long-term plans have to take that into account. And in any case I may decide just to do nothing different, I’ve been as happy as most people I know for the last 43 years and there’s no reason that shouldn’t continue. So for the time being at least, I’m just going to carry on, enjoy life as it is, and see what happens next.

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